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Step right up, folks. Come and see today's sporting freak show.
We have it all on one stage, the most nefarious collection of cheaters and fallen icons the world of athletics has seen in some time.
Over there is NBA referee Tim Donaghy. He's being investigated by the Federal Bureau of Investigation for allegedly placing bets on games he officiated during the past two seasons. Authorities have said Donaghy had a gambling problem and had been approached by low-level mob associates.
Next in line, we have the NFL quarterback implicated in a dogfighting ring. Michael Vick can't attend the Atlanta Falcons' training camp until the NFL finishes investigating his alleged role in staging dogfights. Apparently, some people bet on dogfights when they can't find an NBA ref to bribe.
Next, we have Barry Bonds, who has been dogged by allegations of steroid use and is fast approaching Henry Aaron's career home-run record. Even Major League Baseball doesn't know what to do with Bonds.
Finally, we have the Tour de France and its latest casualty, Alexandre Vinokourov, who has tested positive for a banned blood transfusion after winning last weekend's time trial.
Vinokourov was caught with two different types of blood in his system, which had Tour de France race director Christian Prudhomme claiming that cycling's drug testing system was "an absolute failure. It is a system which does not defend the biggest race in the world. This is a system which can't last."
Prudhomme's rant may seem a trifle odd since Vinokourov, a prerace favourite, was caught by the system. But the truth is, no matter what the detection methods, no matter what the rules or even the penalties, athletes are going to cheat or do stupid things.
That's a given.
The question is: How do we feel about it?
Most sports haven't been hurt by the revelation that many of their star attractions are juiced, jazzed or on bail bonds. Crowd counts haven't fallen below the danger line. Television ratings remain unaffected. Sponsors come and go. Meanwhile, the calliope keeps playing its cheery tune.
For the moment, the NBA ref story is resonating loudest on the sports scene. That an official was possibly determining the outcome of games to his advantage has rocked the NBA to its core. It's rattled fans, too.
For some reason, we can forgive and forget about players who try to strangle their coach, accidentally shoot their limo drivers or get caught with illegal drugs pulsing through their veins. But fixing a game? That's the ultimate taboo. Just ask Pete Rose.
He bet on baseball while managing and he's been ostracized ever since. Why? Because he abused his position and messed with the integrity of the game.
That same standard should apply to any athlete who injects himself full of steroids and breaks records because he's bigger and stronger, but it doesn't. Many of us still marvel at those who do superhuman things. We applaud the successes and don't care much about how they are achieved. That isn't to going to change any time soon, sadly.
For all the lip service about bulked-up Bonds, fans and media are filling the ballpark to be there when he takes his historic cut and becomes baseball's home-run king.
As for the Tour de France, the show will go on and who cares whether you can't tell the cheaters from the keeners, the freaks from the norm? The way things are going, the norm is fast becoming a minority, like fans of professional table tennis.
Maybe the best way to curb the trend is to come up with a truly humbling form of punishment. How about we round up the bad boys of the day and stick them in a touring side show? We could call them the Travelling Travesties.
There's Pacman Jones, the NFL defensive back suspended for the entire 2007 season. He's facing charges of coercion in Las Vegas from a shooting that left a man paralyzed.
And there's Michael Rasmussen, the Danish cyclist who was dropped from the national team for failing to inform anti-doping officials of his whereabouts. He missed two tests because he said he was training in Mexico.
As for the guy beside Rasmussen, that's Floyd Landis, last year's Tour de France winner, who is still waiting to hear whether he's going to be stripped of his title for a positive drug test.
Next up? The incredible tattooed man, who is due in court next month on charges of drug possession and driving under the influence of drugs. That would be Mike Tyson.
Always a travesty.
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