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Robbie (Kong) Green doesn't get it, either. He's the first professional darts player to test positive for marijuana and be suspended for eights weeks and two days.
I wrote about Green's plight the other day and how it seemed odd - also stupid - to test darters for drugs when they compete in a bar and drink beer. Green saw the article on-line and snapped off an email from his home in jolly old England.
The man who has his nickname Kong tattooed onto the back of his shaved head scored a positive test for pot during the UK Open in June. The testing was done by UK Sport, the country's national testing agency. The suspension was issued by the Darts Regulation Authority, whose members must have watched the film Reefer Madness too many times.
"The thing is," Green wrote, "they are trying to make darts into a sport and to do that they believe drug tests are the way forward. Soon they will want us to pack in alcohol, god forbid. Ha ha ha."
Darts, as we all know, is a competition, a game, a fun thing to do at a pub between rounds. Professional darts players are amazingly proficient but even they don't consider themselves to be on the same athletic plateau as Allen Iverson or Tiger Woods.
Ironically, Green made the quarterfinals of the UK Open with traces of marijuana in his system. I'm thinking if you're good enough to get that far without having to run out for munchies then you deserve a free round from the bar.
"The thing is we play in comps in Holland where it is legal to (use) cannabis," Green added. "What (are) they gonna do then? It has to be the same rules for everybody.
"They made such a big deal about this as I'm the first player (to be caught). I'm sure I won't be the last."
Green said he accepted his punishment and was fined 2,000 (pounds) and can't wait to get back to playing again. Still, this business of testing darts players is like going after a hamster with a bazooka. It's overkill; it's nutty, unnecessary and it raises all kinds of questions. Such as:
If UK Sport is so good at finding dirty darters, why can't we get these guys to go after Barry Bonds?
What about doping in croquet? How long will it be before the Croquet Regulation Authority wakes up to the dark secret that is eating away at the game's credibility?
Will UK Sport test for anabolic steroids if a darter happens to throw his dart through the board and into the men's washroom?
And as one Globe and Mail reader wrote in and asked, "What is next? I can just see the next big drug test — chess player tests positive for valium. Or maybe spelling bee winner tests positive for Aspirin."
Okay, so maybe we're being just a bit facetious. But the point remains: testing professional darts players for dope and then suspending them for two months and two days is not going to make darts a real sport, like poker or curling. It just makes it silly, like competitive paint-balling.
Or worse, Iron Chef.
Wait a minute. Do they test those guys? They look kind of wrecked to me.
